Outrage

Ok, whatever, you know what the liberals are going to say about this. Blah blah blah. The first Hispanic justice in a nation that's over 15% Hispanic, the third woman in the court's history in a country that's over 50% woman, a childhood spent in a single-parent family in a housing project, a summa cum laude graduation from Princeton and subsequent distinction at Yale Law School, 17 years in the federal courts, admirers from all across the political spectrum including GHW Bush and Daniel Patrick Moynakhalwian (Alex, I am doing that thing you described where you mash a bunch of keyboard keys at once when you don't know how to spell someone's name). I just hope you all remember that the nomination of Sonia Sotomayor to the Supreme Court is solely a product of white liberal guilt. The outrage is that her affirmative action-appeasing nomination is trampling on the backs of the truly qualified candidates for the job. Let's take a look at who "Obama" could pick if he wasn't trying to annihilate Western civilization. Here are my top choices.

1. A Jake/Alex combo - Hey, Mr. President! Looking for someone who can really bring diversity of experience to the court rather than token appeasement of a special interest group (Latinos)? Nothing says diversity like "two people instead of one". These men can quote sonnets as easily as they can reference Futurama, can use the term "acedia" as readily as "shit-dicking hungry". Not only are they students of the law, one of them has been recently arraigned. That's the kind of legal experience that 17 years cloistered in some fusty private club (ie, the federal bench) just can't duplicate. Plus, one of them is a Slav and the other is a redhead. Do you know how many Slavs or redheads have ever sat on the court? I don't.

2. Michael Savage - What better way to rebuke the British for their illegal rejection of the First Amendement than to appoint this feisty fighter to the high court? It takes a brave man to say the following: "You know what autism is? I'll tell you what autism is. In 99 percent of the cases, it's a brat who hasn't been told to cut the act out. That's what autism is. What do you mean they scream and they're silent? They don't have a father around to tell them, "Don't act like a moron. You'll get nowhere in life. Stop acting like a putz. Straighten up. Act like a man. Don't sit there crying and screaming, idiot." That's the kind of valor I want to see in our judicial system. What's that, Britian, you don't like our freedom of speech? Well, you get AIDS and die, assholes.

3. The Hubble Space Telescope - You want to talk about duty? You want to talk about service to our country? Sonia Sotomayor might be awfully talented when it comes to judicial activism, but I'd like to see her just try and float around in space for two decades. Or, to take a picture as beautiful as this one. Also, the Hubble Space Telescope would be our first NASA instrument justice.